Identity

Who am I?

I occurs to me, at the beginning of this blog, that there may be those who will ask, "Who do you think you are?" Who am I to judge? Who am I to place responsibility and call others to action? What kind of authority do I think I have?

You know how only comedians who are something can make fun of that thing? It's bad form to mock a culture that you aren't a part of, right? (I feel like there was a Seinfeld episode about this. Someone kept converting so that they could keep expanding their stand-up material.) It sort of goes the same in real life - things are taken differently depending on who is saying them, not depending on what is being said.

This just happened to me. My husband had been trying to explain something to me, but I couldn't grasp it because it was him telling me. My brother told me the same thing, and I had no issues believing him. It's not that I trust my brother over my husband; it was just the nature of the thing.

So, let me identify who I am. I am a sinner. Not, I WAS a sinner. I am one. Right now. I struggle; I fail. I'm not very public with my struggles, because in all of my life I haven't seen one good thing come of me airing the specific wickedness that lives inside of me to the world. I will reveal things to certain people when I think that it may be pertinent, but not everyone needs to know the harsh, disgusting reality of what it is to be inside my heart and my head. Suffice to say, anything you've done, I've done the same or the equivalent. You've stolen? Me too. You've lusted? Me too. You've hated? Me too.

I'm not exaggerating here. Anything you have done, I have done the same or the moral equivalent.

Now you might be thinking, why would I listen to you?? What can you possibly say, you're worse than I am! I might be worse than you are, that's true. Thank God, we have the Bible. And the Bible says that God chose the poor things and the foolish things. Why should anyone listen to me? Because I'm saying what the Bible says, what God says. I am not judging; I am declaring God's judgment that's in the Bible. I am not holding people accountable; I'm warning them that God holds them accountable.

Who am I? I'm God's daughter and His emissary. 

It's really hard for me to write this because I know far too well that I do not have even the slightest hope of helping someone. It's what I long to do - help people. I love helping people. Since I was a little kid, it's what I love. And I know without a solitary doubt that I am incapable of that. I have tried my whole life to be helpful and most the time I fail miserably.

I've finally come to the place where I trust that God really can do ANYthing. He can use even me. He can use my words, not just the words of pastors and elders, not just the words of those who've been to seminary. He can use me. And I've realized something else. It doesn't matter if He chooses to use me to help people or not. That's His business, not mine. If people aren't helped, that's not my job. My job is to communicate; only God can give increase.

Why do I have the right to speak into anyone's life? Because God tells me be a light and to be salt. It's not just my right, it's my duty. Why should you listen? Because I know your struggles, and I know the God Who has the answers.